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Hehe, I don't really know what kind of life am i leading now because I am still haven't really gotten that certain feel* of mine yet... So, I try to spend some time at home trying to workout and train my body in the worst possible way ever so as to become stronger and hopefully not do much funny stuff. But somehow I always find some weird pimples on the muscle parts which I really train..hahas...There one thing I have done which I had stopped long ago and that is meditate. Whenever I meditate, I can finally cool down and be myself again and start to slowly gain back my skills... Meditation at least helps me to stay in reality and not drift off to my illusions... And now I'm just stuck at home doing my usual stuff and my aunt and mom are thinking of sending me to a psychologist or some doctor becus they ALWAYS try to get me pissed at them and I don't act as per normal in front of them becus of that.... I really feel that it's screwed man. And I'm sort of protecting myself from them becus I overheard my aunt talking abt it Well, this is goodbye... For now =D

Changes...

I am kind of ashamed of myself ever since O'shave ended. The mind barriers that I had put in place are still there in my mind. I really want to remove those barriers so that I can be normal again. But everytime I tried to be my normal self I would end up falling prey to those mental barriers. It's realli hard trying to remove those barriers because I had used those barriers to protect and defend myself from danger. Maybe I would just try to switch back to being a right brainer and just do things normally. All this is just screwed up.If someone tries to challenge me mentally, I would make sure that they would fall prey under my mental traps... Some of the traps are simple and nice but some are just deadly... Depends on the nature of the situation. But I guess I have to remove those barriers completely and activate them IF I am in danger...Haix...I have also changed my diet due to my screwed up mom and she is trying to control my gaming life and life using her screwed up medical brain which I realli hate. Seriously, not everyone including me likes this kind of thing and perhaps I have inherited this personality from her. Dammit!!!! Goodbye and I WILL fulfill one of my promise to my good friend

Life during O's

Wow I have forgotten how long has it been since I was away from blogging. I have just finished my O-Levels a week ago and I'm really not happy duringthe O-Level period.I knew that my results were kinna bad and I knew that I had to take drastic actions in order to turn things around.I was really very determined to be the overall underdog this time around and really prove my school around and give everyone a huge surprise. I had finally regained back that kind of concentration that I used to have when I was in lower secondary but I have ignored or overlooked one thing-FRIENDSHIP! I was so desperate and determined and I had lost sight and almost lost my friendship with my friends. There was one thing which I did to mind which was realli unforgivalble,against normal circumstances* and come asa surprise to many people around me. I manipulated the hatred inside my body and I exploited it to force my whole body to study. It was just hell because those thoughts had filled my whole mind with anger and regret.Whenever I knew that I had lost marks during a paper,My whole body would just get very frustrated for why didn't I get that particular question correct and stuff. One of the worst came during the e-maths paper 2 where I fell sick.I realli had no choice but to manipulate a kind of devilish function inside of me to survive the paper.I was prepared to risk my health and everything for the paper and I realli almost did. And the rest of the period was just shitty man. I realli didn't like it.But overall I'm just glad that it's over. But now, how can I get back to my friends and integrate into society again?

Deep In concentration

Finally after such a long time, I have regain back my fateful and serious concentration back in my eyes again. But the only thing is that I feel that my whole personality is gonna change because of the new found* concentration in my eyes. Perhaps this is part of growing up. But at least I can do some useful stuffs now :D. Now the only thing that I don't really hope for is to overwork my body again till I lose myself in some deep shit again. I really don't want to take some stupid chances again and be a failure. I want to at least do some useful things in life. Perhaps I put too much thought into my eyes now. But seriously, I feel kind of empty, solemn and kind of sad with a tinge of happiness in myself right now. Hmmm..... I really think that this june holiday is really gonna change me forever~

Unhappiness

I never thought that I would return back to my blog. Maybe it's because I haven't realli been using it :/ .... So much have happened this few days. I hav finally stepped down from my cca activities and i feel so great about it =D ... But i have to focus on studies sia. I'm realli not nhappy about my chinese prelim results cause I noe that i coud hav gotten much higher!!!!!!!!!!! I'm also nt happy wif my mom cus she perposely told me my maths test results when i DUN WANT HER TOO!!!!!!!! HATE HER LAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm realli unhappy but i dun't wanna express myself. It is either people noe that I'm unhappy then they dun wanna do anyting abt it or they realli dun noe that I'm realli unhappy becus i always keep my sadness and unhappiness under wraps my smiles. But I guess that i need some time to recover from this trauma and then i will slowly go hardcore and win some bitches and realli show ppl what I'm realli made of! But i realli nid a break now :/ That's it for now

2011

This is the start of the new year and I still don't know whether will it go rite for me... This is the final year in secondary school for me. I have made a resolution that I would not procrastinate anyway but I keep having a weird feeling in my soul like something unexpected will always happen to me in this fateful year 2011. I hope that I will do well in both my studies and CCA but the only sad thing is that despite all my hardwork in my cca, I still don't get recognise for what I did. I don't whether issit because of last year the national police annual parade in which I wanted to quit because of my studies then they have a bad impression on me. Or was it because of one of my fren which cause my downfall which is like a teacher's pet. :/.... He never realli do anything and yet he gets nomitated for every mother fking gd ting in the cca and yet there are a few people like me who nvr get nominated for anything at all. I am not jealous or anyting because I noe that this kindof stuff is abit screwed up since last year so I will just try my best in both my my studies and CCA,.a ahaope that I can do as well as my brother man as to not let my parents look down on me and also not to let anyone down....