Changes...

I am kind of ashamed of myself ever since O'shave ended. The mind barriers that I had put in place are still there in my mind. I really want to remove those barriers so that I can be normal again. But everytime I tried to be my normal self I would end up falling prey to those mental barriers. It's realli hard trying to remove those barriers because I had used those barriers to protect and defend myself from danger. Maybe I would just try to switch back to being a right brainer and just do things normally. All this is just screwed up.If someone tries to challenge me mentally, I would make sure that they would fall prey under my mental traps... Some of the traps are simple and nice but some are just deadly... Depends on the nature of the situation. But I guess I have to remove those barriers completely and activate them IF I am in danger...Haix...I have also changed my diet due to my screwed up mom and she is trying to control my gaming life and life using her screwed up medical brain which I realli hate. Seriously, not everyone including me likes this kind of thing and perhaps I have inherited this personality from her. Dammit!!!! Goodbye and I WILL fulfill one of my promise to my good friend

Life during O's

Wow I have forgotten how long has it been since I was away from blogging. I have just finished my O-Levels a week ago and I'm really not happy duringthe O-Level period.I knew that my results were kinna bad and I knew that I had to take drastic actions in order to turn things around.I was really very determined to be the overall underdog this time around and really prove my school around and give everyone a huge surprise. I had finally regained back that kind of concentration that I used to have when I was in lower secondary but I have ignored or overlooked one thing-FRIENDSHIP! I was so desperate and determined and I had lost sight and almost lost my friendship with my friends. There was one thing which I did to mind which was realli unforgivalble,against normal circumstances* and come asa surprise to many people around me. I manipulated the hatred inside my body and I exploited it to force my whole body to study. It was just hell because those thoughts had filled my whole mind with anger and regret.Whenever I knew that I had lost marks during a paper,My whole body would just get very frustrated for why didn't I get that particular question correct and stuff. One of the worst came during the e-maths paper 2 where I fell sick.I realli had no choice but to manipulate a kind of devilish function inside of me to survive the paper.I was prepared to risk my health and everything for the paper and I realli almost did. And the rest of the period was just shitty man. I realli didn't like it.But overall I'm just glad that it's over. But now, how can I get back to my friends and integrate into society again?